Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize