I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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