she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
