5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
