you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We talked him into tasing himself.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
