How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
