hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
