yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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