just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
