Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
