Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish i was in the wii world.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
