She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
