something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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