do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
