When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
