you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
