EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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