And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
