he wants to bone in the snuggie
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
