his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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