There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
