Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize