I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
