Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
