This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize