How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
