Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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