singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
