So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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