Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
