i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
