I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
