Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
