i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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