If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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