i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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