i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
