i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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