she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
