so that wasnt chicken after all
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
