Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
