I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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