so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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