What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
