My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Still dying that you shit outside
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
