just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
