I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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