So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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