Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They have beer where we have blood.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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