Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
