farters have to be the big spoon...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
