It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
