We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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