it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize