Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
