I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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