You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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