If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
