does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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