I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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