I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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