I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
