we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
