you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
