She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
