I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
home. puking in laundry basket.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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