Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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