It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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