You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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