..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize