Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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