We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
why is half of my head shaved?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
