what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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